The Outsiderer

I had to write an essay, I'm pretty sure it was one of those timed essays for like a final. This was for English Composition. I got an A on it. So thats pretty awesome. The topic was, "How to make America better" and so I wrote:

To make America better most people would think to add something, an idea, or something Americans should add to their lifestyle. Instead we should make America better by removing some ideas and some aspects from out everyday lives. Other countries frown upon Americans for what we do and believe in. The other countries and culture don't understand why we do things unnecessarily. For example, only in America where one would see us putting useless junk in our garages and park our expensive cars outside them. Other people don't understand why Americans do that and to be honest, most Americans themselves don't know why they do that either. It is those kind of ways about our culture that we can better ourselves by removing unnecessary ideas as such.

Americans can't ask themselves what can be removed from their culture. They should ask an outsider, someone who can be honest and tell us how to make America better. We should ask what they think of us and in turn we should prepare for a long list of ideas from the outsider. Of course, this long list of how to make America better is coincidentally the same or almost same list as our "Stereotypes". It's hard for an American to make the list because they would be proud of some of the stereotypes and that is perfectly fine but if getting rid of it will make America then then it should be rid of. It's between self dignity or America. An American would argue that getting rid of some ideas would make us less American and we'd lose our American identity. Not necessarily, we as Americans always put an American style or twist on everything we come across. For example, hamburgers and hot dogs. Those were invented in Germany but all of a sudden Americans made it into an aspect in our lives such as bbq's, baseball games and so on. Americans put their style on anything like music, food, and clothing.

An outsider doesn't even have to study our culture to know what to put on the list. The outsider mentions a study that was done in the United States. The study was testing if a pizza could be delivered to a house before an ambulance get there. In one of those tests it found that indeed a pizza was delivered before an ambulance arrived. Americans would be skeptical of the statement but at the same time might take a step back and say, "wait, maybe the pizza delivery was faster..." The sad thing is that the statement is not true. The true study was if a person believed it or had to think about it. It's sad to think that a pizza guy could get to a house before an ambulance could, it's even sadder for us to think hmmm maybe it did.

That was basically the essay, as I was typing it, it was super confusing and really boring, so sorry if you read this far, and if you didn't, then thanks again douchemonger.

I was Asked...

It was the end of the school day when I was asked, "What is more believable, Vampries or Zombies?" I thought for a bit and thought about what makes a Vampire. A Vampire is immortal, bloodthirsty, and extremely pale looking. Zombies are a slow moving terror with loud moaning and are human hungry. I told the girl who asked me that I think zombies are more believable. She quickly turned around and started asking everyone around her. I was listening in and was really surprised when I heard that more people believe that Vampire's are more believable than Zombies. I thought that was pretty dumb that they think that Vampires are more believable than Zombies. Class was dismissed and I had to walk home.

I had to walk through downtown. I heard loud moaning behind me, I didn't think much of it so I continued walking home. The moaning became louder and louder behind me. I look this time only to see a line of zombies behind me. There must've been 100 of them. I soon found out that these Zombies weren't actually zombies. They were just a whole lot of people dressed all haggard doing an Annual Zombie Walk. I was so mad, "What the H-E-Double hockey sticks!" I thought I was going crazy. I almost thought for a second that those were real zombies. They were really well dressed. I mean they had real blood from their mouths and huge realistic gashes on their arms and stuff. I continued walking home and everyday I walk past this weird old plantation. It's like mega old. Today was weird because it became dark already, it was like 4pm and it was scary dark and eerie. I was pretty sure I was alone.

I walked pass this dark alley way and there was a dumpster sticking out of the alley. Then I heard a sound behind me. Turned around to see what it was, but nothing was there, I turned back around, BAM! Tom Cruise is all up in my face. "Dang it, Tom Cruise, what are you doing?" I asked.
"Do you wanna become immortal?" He asked.
He was dressed up in an old french outfit or something, it was super dirty. He had fangs glued to his teeth. I was still flabbergasted at the fact that Tom Cruise is right in front of me. All of a sudden he lunges towards me and starts making out with my neck.
"Dude c'mon, stop being weird!"
I pushed him off and started running. I didn't want to run back to my house. Because I didn't want Tom Cruise to know where I live. I went to my neighbors house and knocked on the door. I looked around to see if Tom Cruise was behind me. The door opened and I ran right in.

"Are you ok?" She asked.
My neighbor happened to be that same girl who thought Vampire's were real. "Yeah I'm good," I didn't want to tell her what happened.
"Hey, what's that on your neck?" she asked.
She was pointing at my neck and I totally forgot in my panic that Tom Cruise made out with my neck.
"Is that a hickey on your neck, haha!" She laughed hysterically.
"Yeah, I got it from Tom Cruise, he's a friggen weirdo" I said.
"Wait, Tom Cruise, he gave you a hickey?" she asked
"Yeah, he was dressed up and tried to suck blood out of my neck but ended up giving me a hickey."

We settled down and kept talking about my Tom Cruise incident. I got up to check the window to see if anyone was out there. I cracked apart the blinds just barely and on the sidewalk I saw a shadowy figure.
"Dude, thats Brad Pitt!" My neighbor exclaimed.
He was just standing there looking at the ground. I saw something behind him, it was running really fast. It was Robert Pattinson!

He tackled Brad Pitt in the front yard. They fought for a while until Taylor Lotner showed up. Brad Pitt and Robert Pattinson both ran away scared. Taylor started coming towards the house like he's a macho man. My friend ran straight for the door. I tried stopping her but it was too late. I stayed in the living room because I didn't want to be part of whatever was going on. She came back in the living room looking upset.

"Whats wrong? I asked her.

"He just went up to me and bragged about him and Taylor Swift, broke my heart." she said.

I asked her if she wanted to get some dinner. Because I had no intention of going home until celebrities stop harassing me. I mean seriously stupid Tom Cruise started all this. I can't believe he gave me a hickey.

We didn't have a car or anything. So we walked. We didn't know what to eat. We were almost to Teriyaki Chicken Bowl when we were suddenly stopped by Wesley Snipes. He just starred at us behind his sunglasses. Who wears sunglasses during the night. He just smiled and whipped out a sword, he was setting to swing at us, "Duck!" I said. He swung and hit something behind us. It was Kate Beckinsale. She was just murdered behind us by Wesley Snipes.

"Why do all these celebrities think they are Vampires!" I exclaimed.
"Maybe because they really are Vampires, except Tom Cruise, he's just weird haha I can't stop laughing about it." My friend said

We started running for Teriyaki Chicken Bowl, but Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise were standing at the entrance while Wesley Snipes and Robert Pattinson were following behind us.

All these wanabee Vampires surrounded us. We were legitimately scared for our lives. One, its super creepy that these celebrities are acting like this and two Vampires aren't real. My friend begs to differ.

We stood still waiting for whatever is going to happen next. Little did we know how much weirder it was about to get.

It was really silent for a while until we all heard loud moaning. It was growing louder by each second. We look towards Teriyaki Chicken Bowl and saw Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt were still there. We turned around and saw Zombies eating Wesley Snipes and Kate Beckinsale. We look towards Teriyaki Chicken Bowl and see that Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt were also being mauled by Zombies.

"Holy cow, Ninja Zombies!" My friend said.

Turns out that the zombie walk were actual zombies. That was the beginning of the end for humankind. All because of Tom Cruise turned weird.

Here it goes again

Ok so, I kinda sorta said that I would post some stories. I didn't. My Bad. I have some time to do them now, and I would like to say that these following stories are probably on my top favorites. Mostly because I turned them in for a grade in one of my classes. It was actually my English Composition class. And usually the teacher tears apart our papers in red ink. It was very surprising to see that I actually got A's on both of them and not a speck of red ink on them. They are in fact specked with black ink. Which is a neutral colored ink and is usually used for government papers and major documents of our past. Nonetheless, the black ink specks on my papers were actually good comments, like a thumbs up comment. Like, "Yeah, thats rad." Followed by a thumbs up. Or "Good for you!" Followed by a thumbs up. Well not exactly like that.

The history of my papers began as a journal we had to write, but incidentally my journal turned into a stupid story. A story that I didn't want to turn in, but had to cuz I needed a grade. So I did.

I'll post it now but it is seriously 7 pages. On paper of course. Which is like 3 pages typed. It's not boring, I promise. Let's see how long it takes, i'm pretty sure these things log the times. So we'll see between both posts how long it takes.

I'm sorry I bored you with this post, you probably just looked at it and said, "fuck this I'm not reading this shit." Well if you did and got to this part then thanks for reading. If you didn't then you wouldn't know that I even wrote this part and you won't even know that this exists. Thanks douchebag.

Sincerely,
Joobob